Calling all HSP and HG Ladies!

I have suddenly wondered about the correlation between Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) and Highly Sensitive People (HSP). I am so sensitive to many stimuli – I don’t enjoy driving at night, for example, because I am dazzled by the lights, and of course I also have Misophonia. I am wondering if those of us that are HSP are more predisposed to suffering with HG – it certainly makes a lot of sense to me!

Therefore, I have decided to do my first ever poll! Please let me know if you noticed a connection between the two!

Advertisements

Child-free and partying!

ID-10035329

 

Well,  okay,  not partying exactly – more like relishing the silence,  while  sipping my coffee undisturbed.  There’s no shouting,  fighting or running around with guns, no dread as I sit down on the toilet seat without first checking for little boy splatters.  Time constraints no longer exist – we eat when we’re hungry;  we go out when we want to,  without a strict protocol of hysteria mainly consisting of “clean your teeth”,  “get your shoes on”, “hurry UP!”  Ah,  does it get much better than this?

Oh,  hang on a second.  Am I allowed to say that?  Shouldn’t I cradle any feelings of glee about being child-free close to my chest?  Isn’t it more appropriate for a mum without her kids to sit wailing in the corner,  resigning herself to a loss of all joy until they tumble into her ever-loving arms once more? Well, that would depend on who you were talking to,  I guess.

I have friends who smugly share that they never let their kids spend the night away from them,  their self-righteous “I’m a better mum than you’ll ever be” attitude oozing from every pore.  They need to be careful,  because that Mother of the Year medal around their neck is going to choke them.  Refusing to let your child stay with other people, while proudly proclaiming how you have personally put them to bed every day of their life,  does not make you a better parent.  In fact,  not allowing your child the freedom and independence achieved from staying with close family that love them more than anything  says more about you,  than your child.  There are some serious control issues going on there,  no kidding.

My kids have gone to their grandparents for the weekend.  It’s a rarity for it to be just me (and him indoors),  and my mind bobbles back and forth between enjoying the blissful peace, and feeling that the house is just too quiet.  When your kids are away,  there’s an undeniable tangible emptiness that inexplicably differs from  when the are just at school.  It’s hard to explain.  It’s a stillness,  a haven of serenity;  yet it also feels like a void,  a desolate gaping hole that can’t be filled.  One minute I experience a sensation akin to envy prodding at me, taunting the fact that it always used to be like this – getting up in the morning and having a leisurely coffee,  wondering how to fill the day’s hours,  and relishing the prospect of doing very little.  And then in an instant, it’s gone,  to be replaced with a rush of joy and gratitude at how wonderfully my life has changed for the better.

I used to have a hard time with guilt over being voluntarily separated from my children.  When we moved back here last year my family travelled before me,  and I spent seven long weeks away from them.  To say it was one of the hardest things I have ever done,  is an understatement;  it just about killed me.  Was it my choice to be apart from them? Yes,  it was. But sometimes we do things we just have to do,  and it was a necessity to factor in when moving our whole lives to another country.  People would comment “oh, I couldn’t do that”,  unable to contain their incredulity at how a mum could leave their kids for so long.  Ah,  you know;  it was nothing,  a piece of cake,  an absolute walk in the park – I flung them away from me without a backward glance.  I don’t think.  Being away from your children is like your arm being torn off,  because essentially,  not having your kids with you feels as though an integral part of who you are is suddenly missing.

Now,  it’s much easier to let my children go,  and feel no pangs. Realising that I am a HSP has helped me accept that it is okay to admit that I need time away from everyone  to recharge my batteries.  For example,  I’ve just spent the whole summer with my kids,  mostly alone, with ten full weeks of being with them 24/7.  It actually happened to be one of the of the best summers I have ever had,  but the intensity of having someone around you constantly, even if they are your own children,  is pretty tough going on the psyche of a HSP.  But in our society,  we can’t admit that,  not without criticism,  anyway.  One of my friends posted on Facebook that if people couldn’t enjoy the summer holidays,  then they didn’t deserve to have kids.  Obviously not a HSP then!

These days,  I feel a lot less guilt when letting my kids spent time with their grandparents.  And why should I feel guilt?  I am not sending them off with axe-wielding psychopaths;  they are with family who I trust with all my heart.  They have fun,  they play games,  they eat sweets and they get some time to develop as little individuals away from the parents. How can it not  be a win-win scenario?

Image courtesy of Photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Hyperemesis Gravidarum Raises its Ugly Head Again

ID-100148083 Once more,  Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) raises its ugly,  fat head in the media frenzy that surrounds the news of Kate Middleton’s second pregnancy.  And once more, it is being played down as “morning sickness”,  or if they are feeling generous “acute morning sickness”.  Sadly,  Kate Middleton has neither – she has a debilitating condition that never lets up,  and quite honestly,  makes morning sickness seem like a walk in the park.

I talk (okay – rant) about it here,  and it is very well explained here,  so I am not going to explain the statistics again.

Awareness for the condition is undoubtedly on this rise (yippee!),  but there is a long, long way to go.  Women with HG are ostracised,  belittled and treated with an unrelenting condescending attitude wherever they turn.  Try living your life for nine months with a constant hangover (and no,  constant is not a hyperbole),  only to be told that it is part and parcel of a normal pregnancy (erm…no. Morning sickness is normal,  HG isn’t)  or that you are making it up (because,  of course women want to fake it,  and spoil a time in their life that should be calm and beautiful).

Women who have suffered with HG have two things in common: we are angry,  and defensive.  Most go on to have PTSD (and no,  again,  I am not exaggerating) after being forced to live with a horrific condition for so long,  one that leaves you weak and terrified for the health of your baby,  but mainly because they are just not believed, and don’t get the emotional support they need. I had my second baby seven years ago,  yet reading about HG reduces me to tears,  every single time.  It is something I am never going to get over.  Had I received the support and care from the medical profession and family members,  I am positive I would not feel this way.  HG brings about isolation,  and this horrible defensive attitude about the condition that will never fade.  Not until the truth is put out there correctly,  anyway.

So,  next time you hear about Kate Middleton being ill – have kindness and compassion in your heart. She isn’t milking it,  and neither is she lording it up because she is royalty.  She may have people to help her,  but that means nothing – she will still feel as poorly as the lady down the street.  The same goes for your friend who you might think is being over-dramatic – she isn’t!  She needs your help and support, and if you offer it,  she won’t stop feeling sick,  but she’ll come out the other side a lot more well-adjusted.

Spread the word,  people.  Please spread the word.